Satisfaction

Some days I find myself vulnerable.

Vulnerable to my thoughts, my nightmares, my past.

But the vulnerability is self-inflicted.

We always have a choice to quickly think about something else, ignore that nightmare, forget the past...

But it's a constant battle against yourself.

It's interesting...

These deep thoughts, have they led me anywhere? They've only been a nuisance.

I crave a good book, a promising kiss, a powerful song...

Dependence is not attractive and yet it's unavoidable.

No one is ever truly independent.

No one is ever completely satisfied.

Life is a battle and yet a beauty.

and so is Love

Choices

It's been a while since I've written.

It's summer and I've mostly been working. I now work at a desk with my own computer, direct telephone line, etc. It's quiet but I've learned a lot about the business world. Sometimes it's repetitive but nonetheless essential to the success of a team.

I've been thinking a lot about what academic and career path to commit to. There's so many things I can do and the hardest part about this moment in life is the pressure of making your choices soon. 

Choices...too many choices...

Time is running out...money keeps moving...

In my future I want to enthusiastic about my job. I want it to be a challenge but one I know I can accomplish. I want to work with many different people on a team.

I want to design...formulate...conduct...think hard...project my thoughts and voice...make beautiful things...help others...inspire others...

As of now the battle is between Civil Engineering and Mathematics Education...

To be or not to be... :)

An engineer or a high school teacher.....hmm....

choices, choices, choices....

Doubt and Faith

Today I had a huge revelation.

At work my boss gave me mindless things to do.

As I was practicing my counting, I decided to use the higher-thinking part of my brain.

I thought about my doubts.

Doubts on some paths I hesitate to take.

I'm a kind of girl that analyzes everything before she makes a decision.
Unless of course I'm in "the moment" and my brain is too excited to think...that's
when I "just do."

So why can't I "just have faith?"

I don't have many faiths unfortunately. I lost them through time after being
wronged and thinking a lot.

It's just me.

But...Love seems different.

Love...it should be the easiest to place your faith...

I tell myself that I will.

And it's as easy as that. I commit to having faith.

Gradually I'll get there and have faith in other things...I won't think so harshly
and deeply.

I need to risk.

Why not risk in something GREAT! Something worth the jump.




So....

"Just...
jump!"

Bones

Bones, the tv show of course, sparked another career interest.

Forensic Anthropologist.

I did a little research online and found some fascinating facts. There are not that many forensic anthropologists in the world. I watched a video online that stated at that time there were only 150! So you'd think that the job is grisly, stressful, or meant for people who have large learning capacities. What kind of person would have a passion for such a career?

I feel sort of tricked. As I did more research I figured out that being a forensic anthropologist is NOT exactly the life of Dr. Temperance Brennan (whose name I love). Not all F.A.s know five different marital arts, travel with a handsome FBI agent (soon-to-be soulmate), and works in a lab with close comrades, all personally and intellectually focused on solving a murder mystery and putting the "bad guy" in his rightful place.

Of course I first knew that forensic anthropology was heavily science-based. The show "Bones" portrays it as such joined with a rare friends circle, sprinkled with a little comedy. Science does not scare me or fuse some historic distaste within me. I am a firm believer and lover in its nature and practice.

How can a job in forensic anthropology promise me a high-end facility, flourishing with amiable people, respect, and a trustworthy team? Must you be the best of the best? And once you are, is that enough to get you the ticket to paradise?

For some reason I have better hope in other professions like being a professor or a teacher or even a writer to have all these things for me in the future.

Will the journey be exciting? I do know that the purpose is worthy, but is it ME? I would love to become Temperance Brenann. If only it were a real possibility. If there was someone or something that could reassure me of such a possibility!

Who can I be? What can I become? Will my life be the most thrilling and carry the most meaning?

We shall see.

Stretched

Sometimes I feel that my extended imagination...that seems all-to-real is a gift that I can use as a writer.

Growing Up

As we get older everyone diverges into their own little niche. It's fun to see where people choose to go, which routes they take, what jobs they pursue...

I work two jobs about 18 hours a week, hold an equivalent to four college classes, TRY to study 24 hours a week, blah blah blah.

Today I met a fourth-year. What an amazing person.

I asked her, "How do you pay for college, Tera?"

She told me that:

-her parents don't support her so she works

-she works about 30-40 hours a week!!!

-and babysits.

-AND is graduating on time....

-is involved on campus.

"Do you sleep?"

"NO!" she says with eyes wide open and a constant smile.

She comes into work all the time so genuine and happy.

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G...

I guess no matter how hard you think you're working there are always other people with different scenarios, pushing their limit...they'll shock you.

She's most inspiring to me!

She gives me hope.

I can do this.

My name is Sacha Rose Robbins. I'm an English major and Psychology, Biology, and Philosophy minor. I manage two jobs and the college load. I'm a first year and already $19,000 in debt. I make less than $7,000 a year.

I want a Ph.D. I will get it.

Good luck to all who have dreams and actually make an effort to make it happen.

:)

Our Reminder

I wanted to remind my audience about the theme of this blog:

"Live and Let Live"

I try to live my life by this rule as much as I can. What I want everyone to realize is that this phrase does not promote ignoring or by-passing others and their differing ways. Diversity is unique and therefore excessively being researched and analyzed. Not only the big-shot PhD professors but everyone even you whether you realize it or not. We judge people, cultures, and behaviors all the time. A life that is completely different from your own will confuse you at one point; but it should also spark your curiosity. Appreciate the diversity we together uphold in our world. Without it we may never discover alternatives, become individuals, grow an open-mind...we may in simplest form become bored. It is true that something opposite your standards could be harmful or dangerous; there is that negative aspect as well.

But life is what it is and everything has a good and bad light no matter how much we may resist.

Keep this phrase in mind. I hope you have noticed that every entry I've written draws back to this phrase.


What's Happening

So my Nana had surgery this morning at 7:30am. The surgeons were trying to reattach her collapsed lung to her wall cavity but it kept deflating. So, they extracted certain lobes of her lung (one piece included the cancerous cells). 
We were previously told that simply taking out the cancer through surgery would be likely unsuccessful because her body would not be strong enough and she would probably live the rest of her life using an oxygen tank.

So the question that is currently unanswered is: Since the cancer cells have been taken out, is she now and will she need to be with an oxygen tank?

What I've learned

I have huge frustration and opposition to the practice and existence of cigarettes. Anything that obviously harms your health I abhor.

But in this experience I having been reflecting on my daily activities (what I've been working towards, my growth, my health, my workload). My friends and family believe that my schedule exhausts me. My previous definition of being overworked included the absence of maintaining a healthy body. I get 8 hours of sleep usually, I walk daily around campus, I eat 3 meals a day, and my personal hygiene is at it's best (if you were wondering). College is not that "bad".

I've tweaked my definition of being overworked. I've added another important quality.
The experience with my Nana and the Robbins Family recently has taught me this:

You are overworked if you don't have time to maintain your health and you don't have time to catch up with your family.

Yes, my days are completely full. I have time to occasionally exercise or go on facebook (lol). I get home late and when I get to my homework I sometimes fall asleep. I don't keep in contact with all my friends and I have not been to a single college party or dance club.
And yes, I barely visit my family.

I rarely know what they're doing, sometimes how old their turning. Everyone gets caught up in "what they're supposed to be doing" or even "what they're NOT supposed to be doing" that they forget to make some family phone calls or emails or long-drive visits.
It's hard when you're pressured to make money and get an education. It's hard when you have personal goals of your own...you want to be "somebody" and your stuck with the decisions of time management.
What do I have time for? How can I maintain my social network? Is family a priority for ME right NOW.

I want to know what's going on in my family. I want to know what stage or phase of growth they're undergoing at this moment. I'd like to know this without internet networks or text messages. I'd like to spend time at gatherings. I'd like to share to them my discoveries and listen to theirs.


It is important to me. I wish I did not have to work so much. I wish I could just focus on school and friends and family.
But it's not only me. It's everyone. They all had to make similar decisions like me.

Our world has led us to isolate ourselves from something whether family, friends, work, or school at some point.

Life is short.


Decisions need to be made.


What's important to you?